Just keep swimming

Photo cred: Nancy Holt's Sun Tunnels 

Day six is ebb day.

I see a pattern friends. There is me going hard and then there is me wanting to lay on the grass with the sun shining on my face. Its 82 degrees right now and summer is such an illusion here in Chi now that we are afraid if we turn on the air conditioning winter will descend upon on. We don't want that. Instead we want more warm sunshine to distract us from our miseries.

Today was kind of slow and woozy. I spent the morning writing cover letters and job researching- productive procrastinating I am going to call it. Ha! Then I went out and had lunch in the park which was so fun. I can't believe I got to strut about without lugging a jacket or scarf or stupid hat. It was so liberating. But all the sunshine made me sleepy so I really struggled to make progress on my thesis.

I reworked my opening letter for issue two and made some design adjustments but I am sad to report that progress was minimal. Bare minimal. But I shall try again tomorrow. Haven't given up on me yet.   I reviewed some notes, made some tweaks to my calendar and that was really all I did.

Oh after I accepted that I wasn't going to be able to push myself to work today, I went for a walk. I wanted to watch a movie but I got the date wrong. It was so silly because I was so dejected that the guy at the ticketing booth apologized to me. It was so sweet. On my way to the train I saw a spiderman, he was all dressed up and posing on top of a bus shelter. I almost shrieked because he looked liked a mannequin at first and then he moved oh so slightly. Then as an increasing number of cellphones came out to film him, he started to pose and move about. It was weird. I almost asked him to come watch a movie with me. I am not sure why I thought that would be exciting. To watch a movie with a little boy dressed as spiderman. Or maybe he was a grown person- who knows?

I rode the sad wave out on the train home. I say sad wave because I didn't get any work done and I find that when one thing falls apart, like a domino, it all starts to crash on you and then you think of everything else that did or is falling apart. This is super frustrating cause thats when it gets hard to keep it together. Because you can't even fathom all the stuff that didn't fall apart. I enjoy my train rides home because I mostly space out. I like to watch time and space go by me, out the window in a blur, as everyone sits or stands still inside the train. It feels like we are traveling in time. Between our work and home, transitioning between states of mind or switching lives. I like that feeling of being in transition. It feels meditative, like I have a minute before the consequences of my decisions will start to sink in.

I am going to aim to finish up my prototype tomorrow which was today's goal but there was so many edits I wanted to make it to but didn't find the enthusiasm to follow through. Here is to hoping tomorrow is flow day.

I had mango pudding for dessert at my park lunch today

♪♪ Petit Biscuit- You